Hell Spawn
by monocledog
Summary: Joe and Natalie pregnant AU. Takes place in between season 6 and 7 and during season 7.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, thanks for all the comments on my previous. I wanted to do a pregnancy story with these two cuz it's been in my head for a while now. Please don't crucify me because of Vanessa. She was super cute and I fell in love with her too, but I need to get this fic out of my head. Enjoy!**

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It was only a matter of time before he knew, she's going to have to tell him eventually, but telling him like this makes her feel bad. Maybe she should have waited until he was home, but the thought of going back to that house, one that she doesn't live in or has lived in for months, is making her morning sickness even worse.

She's not even sure if she should call what she has morning sickness. It's more like she's carrying the devil's child and it's slowly killing her from within. Just last week she told Joe to call a priest to perform an exorcism on her after she had woken up at 2am and vomited on him.

Her mind replayed the events of that night until the secretary's voice brought her back.

"Mrs. Figueroa, your husband just got off his call, you may go inside now."

"Thanks." Natalie likes this secretary. He has the attitude of someone who works at the DMV. She's fond of people with no bullshit attitudes, there aren't enough of them in the world.

-0-

"Natalie, I didn't expect to see you here!"

_What do you mean you didn't expect to see me here? I explicitly heard your secretary tell you I was here and had to wait 30 minutes for you to finish whatever bullshit you were doing._

She smiled and sat down opposite of him.

"You usually either call or text when you want to talk, so what brings you down to my office?" He smiled at her like she was one of his constituents. After they started living separate lives he had become more formal with her, something she found incredibly grating. She doesn't really care about him anymore, but the way he treats her now reminds her of the way people used to look down on her. He should be grateful for everything she's done for him, he wouldn't be in this office with a terrible view if it wasn't for her. She wants to bring him down a peg and she knew exactly how.

"I'm pregnant. Nine weeks to be exact."

He stared at her, his smile still present but his mouth dropped open. It reminded her of the anthropomorphic Cinnamon Toast Crunch she saw in a commercial a few days ago.

"Is it Joe's?" He said after he gathered himself. There was a hint of contempt in his voice. He didn't like Joe very much, not after the PolyCon event.

"Yes, and I know you're worried about what's going to happen concerning us and the public, but I have a plan."

"Okay good, that's good. I'm all ears." He sounds panicked and she's trying not to show how much she's enjoying it.

"First, you're not going to have any part in the baby's life. It's not going to any of your future campaigns and it's not going to any photo ops or events you need to be at. You're not going to announce my pregnancy to help your re-election. It's not going to have your name or anything to do with you"

He nodded and she continued.

"Second, I'm not going to be part of your campaign either. If anyone asks, tell them I'm busy at the prison or give them some other reason. You're a smart boy, I know you can make one up and if you can't, tell Gavin to make one up. Third, we're getting a divorce."

He opened his mouth to object, but she silenced him.

"We're getting a divorce, but not right now. I know you're going through your whole campaign thing so we're going to wait a few months after it's over. Until then, we're pretty much done. No more texting me to show up at a gala or a charity event. Just mail me the divorce papers and it'll finally be over."

"You know, a divorce is going to look bad for me whether I get re-elected or not. And how are you not sure journalists are going to follow you around after that? What if they see you with the baby? What's that going to make of me?"

"Tell them I'm babysitting. The point is, from now on we don't have to be in each other's lives anymore. We should celebrate that...separately" she said sarcastically.

Her stomach started to feel queasy. She's going to throw up, she could feel it coming. She's actually grateful for it this time because it meant she could leave and go home.

"I have to go, you may call me only if it's necessary" She stood up and left to go find the women's restroom before she projectile vomits all over his desk.

-0-

After she had cleaned herself up, she walked back to where Joe had parked.

"Sorry for the wait, he couldn't interrupt a business call for his soon to be ex-wife" She complained while climbing into his car.

"That's okay, I spent my time looking up baby names." There's a hint of mischief in his voice

"Oh yeah? Find any good ones?"

"I did, in fact I found 72 of them. They're all listed under this thing called The 72 Demons Evoked by King Solomon."

Natalie laughed "Can we name a baby after a demon from the circle of hell?"

"There's no law saying we can't" Joe joked along.

"It still might not be a good idea" She grabbed his phone and looked at it "I think a kid named Paimon is going to get bullied in school."

"You think so? Because I think Paimon sounds really powerful and imposing. Sounds like someone who can really 'reveal hidden treasures' and 'knows all affairs of the world'" Joe read off his phone.

"As we have previously discussed, all baby naming affairs will be decided by me, but I'll think about it. Now hurry up and drive us home."

"Alright" Joe chuckled before giving her a kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Thanks for the feedback for the first chapter, always appreciate it and much love to you all. This one's just some short fluff. Most of them is gonna be fluff pieces until I get to the birth part. I'm just a useless bisexual who loves fluff what can I say? Juliette for my other story it's just a one shot, sorry. I'm not big brain enough to continue it lol but this one does take place in the same universe as the other story so it can be thought of as a sequel. Hope that makes up for it lol.**

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She's not afraid of her. It should be the other way around, but recent developments have had her avoiding Linda more than usual. Whenever Linda barges into her office, complaining about something minuscule, her hand subconsciously moves to her belly to protect the unborn harbinger of death and destruction.

It's her maternal instincts kicking in. Usually she has no problems showing off her life to Linda. It's always fun to see her get jealous, especially when it comes to Joe. While Joe wants to avoid Linda in every way possible, it's the opposite for Natalie. The thought of having Linda walk in on them fucking in her office is a recurring fantasy for her, but now, even seeing Linda in the hall is enough to get her heart racing.

She's definitely not afraid of her, she's just becoming more and more protective. Not only from Linda, but from everyone. She's been trying to hide her pregnancy, something she's still successful in even though she's 4 months along, from the guards and inmates. Even a glare that's held for a second too long is enough to set off her fight or flight response.

As the days passed, the prison became a jungle to her. Guards, inmates, and Linda were all hunting the prey that's growing in her. It's all in her head, she knows, if anyone says anything she can scare them off with her words. It's the voice in her head screaming "_YOU'RE NOT SAFE"_ that's been bugging her.

"That's me!" She pointed to the lioness on screen chasing off the hyena that was hunting her cubs. They're lying on the couch watching a lion documentary on the Discovery Channel and Joe's gently rubbing her ever growing stomach.

"God, that's how I feel every day at work. Linda's the hyena and I'm the mom trying to make sure she doesn't eat my kids. I feel like I'm going to start roaring at everyone who even looks at me."

"To be fair, you did that before you were pregnant." Joe teased and she responded by lightly smacking him with a cushion.

"Besides" he continues "If you're the lioness you need to hunt for other animals so you can feed the babies."

"Are you telling me I should kill Linda and eat her for sustenance? Because if I do I think she'll give me violent diarrhea."

"Think about it like Lion King. You just need to make sure those annoying hyenas don't eat Simba."

"Lion King? Joe, the dad dies in Lion King. Did you watch the movie?"

"I only caught bits of it on tv."

She sighed at his incompetence of knowledge in children's animated musical movies.

"I don't like this animal analogy for our kid anymore. We should go back to the demon thing."

"Sure, let's go back to calling you the incubator for the demon that is about rule over our world with darkness and bloodshed." He kissed her shoulder.

Natalie scoffed "It'll rule over you, not me. I don't care what kind of demon it is, I am still it's mother and it'll listen to me. You're a big softy, it'll kill you first when it starts the apocalypse."

It's true, Joe's going to be the pushover dad. He's too soft, tender, and delicate. It was one of the things that surprised her when they first started going out. For all the bickering, fighting, and hate fucking she didn't know he could be so gentle. With Jason, any sort of affection was fleeting and when he let go it was like being tossed onto hard concrete. But with Joe, he never wanted to let her go and when he did he was gentle enough to make sure she didn't shatter into a million pieces.

There's no doubt in her mind he's going to be the one who spoils the kid. The fun parent that makes all the other kids jealous. The one who gives in to pouts and puppy dog eyes.

That only leaves her to be the mean parent. The one who says no to buying a new set of Legos because there's already some at home. The bitch mom who takes away the toys when the kid acts up.

It could be worse. She could be the kind of parent who screams at their kid for 20 minutes when they catch them stealing a piece of candy from the top drawer. She could be the type that smacks their kid across face for accidentally breaking a plate. But she's not going to be like that, she can't.

She's going to love this kid no matter what they do. She's going to play their weird made up games, put band aids on their face when they fall off a slide, comfort them when they wake up from a nightmare, put up with their middle school years. She's going to love this little shit demon even when they don't want her to.

"I can so see you walking into the fiery pits of hell just to yell at our demon for not cleaning up its room" Joe joked as he traced a pentagram on her belly.

"It needs to take responsibility for itself, you can't let it slack off and do everything for it. How's it going to learn?" She retorted sarcastically.

"Christ, when we do go to hell it's going to torture us extra hard."

"I'll still love it either way."

"Yeah? Me too."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all, for the continued support. This chapter is bought to you by working with kids.**

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"Liam."

"Too popular. By the time he starts preschool there's going to five other kids in his class named Liam."

"Benjamin"

"Too basic. It'll seem like we didn't put any effort in naming him."

"Eric."

"Every person named Eric is an asshole, seriously have you met one Eric that wasn't an asshole?"

"Just out of curiosity, are you going to nitpick every name I choose?"

"I told you the naming part is my business. I'm the one that's growing him so I get naming privileges. You're lucky I even let you take part in this." There was a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Joe looked up from his phone and sat down next to her on their bed. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing." Natalie shrugged.

Except it's everything. If she were honest some of the names Joe picked out were pretty good, but she's not in a name picking mood. Her entire existence is a mass of discomfort right now. The pregnancy has been rough. She's constipated, but always has to pee. She's always tired, but can't fall asleep. Her feet and back are always in pain. She started dressing for comfort rather than style. For the past month she's been wearing Uggs to work. If anyone said anything, screw them.

But the worst part is her hormones. Her emotions are like the Drop Tower and her hormones is the indifferent underpaid ride operator who's pressing random buttons every five seconds. She can go from angry to horny to depressed to happy in a flash. It's been scaring Joe, but he won't admit it. Last week they were having sex and, in the middle of it, she started laugh crying. The combined look of fear and confusion on his face was dumber than the one he makes when he cums.

There's also her new ICE job that's taking a toll on her. Not only is her pay less than the one she had at Max, but there were no benefits either. Joe's unemployed, which is another worry for her. She put in her request for maternity leave a few days ago. She's only six months along, but she knew better to postpone it. Her plan is to start maternity leave the last month of her pregnancy so she can rest and get the baby's room ready. With Joe being jobless, her time with the baby will be short. She doesn't see herself with her baby for more than three months. Maybe she should quit and find something else.

It's not bad enough that her mood swings make her turn 180 every day, but the guilt of being in the facility has been ruining her. She can't walk into the courtrooms or see any of the detainees anymore, it's too much. She's locked herself in her office for most days only coming out if it's necessary. How can she walk around in there all pregnant and look any of them in the eye? You might as well rip out whatever semblance of a soul she had right then and there.

"You know my rules for baby name suggestions. No fictional characters-"

_I'm looking at you, parents who name their kids Atticus. Like we get it, you read the book in high school, we all did._

"No famous people, no colors, no normal names spelled differently-"

_Why the fuck would you spell 'Damion' 'Daemieynn'? You're making life difficult for everyone, including your kid._

"Nothing based on a location, nothing pretentious or preppy, absolutely no initial names-"

_Just try to pass off Joseph Jr. as J.J. go ahead, I dare you. _

"And no names that are just stupid combinations of letters like Luvox or something."

He took her hand and gave her that look she's grown to hate and love. That look that saw through her and could read her so easily. It's a blessing and a curse.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" He pried gently "You getting nervous? Is it work?"

She rested her head on his shoulder, "I can't do it anymore. The only good thing I'm doing is procrastinating so much it slows down everything and whenever I'm at work he starts kicking extra hard. Like he can actually feel my crappy mood and he starts thrashing in there because 'fuck you mom, get it together.'"

"Look, whatever's happening in there isn't your fault. Don't put this on yourself, you're doing your best helping those women."

She didn't believe him.

"It's going to be okay and as for the kicking, I think this one is a perceptive little shit." He gestures to the baby.

"Why do you like fucking with me so much? Are you bored in there? Is sucking my life away not fun enough for you?" she asked her stomach.

As if in response, a tiny bump came up from her protruding belly and moved across her skin before settling back down. Both of their jaws drop, and they were silent for a minute.

"Holy shit…" Joe cursed.

He looked back at her with a warm smile.

"Let's name him Xenomorph." He joked.

She shot him a glare, "What did I just say about fictional characters?"

"You are going to be so much trouble for the both of us" Joe chuckled and planted a kiss on her stomach "Three more months and we'll finally get to meet him."

"Yeah" Natalie agreed hesitantly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! This chapter took a little longer cuz of life, but it's finally here. Thanks for all the continued support!**

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"Get a 3-in-1. We can keep it longer." Natalie mumbled as she chewed through her spam, pickle, peanut butter and apricot jelly sandwich.

"But is that good for the baby physically? Shouldn't we get something that's good for his growth?" Joe replied. He's become an expert at deciphering what she's been saying with a mouth full of food. It's a fun game for them. Sometimes she would make up words to mess with him.

"Yeah, let's spend $200 on a new stroller every year with your zero dollars an hour salary. That and the thousands we're already spending are all great ideas."

"Okay, fine, fine. How about this one? It's good for infants and up until he's 50lbs. And it's not as expensive as the other ones." Joe showed her the stroller on his phone.

She judged his choice for a minute before agreeing only if he gets it in black.

Joe let out a quiet "woo" and crossed out stroller on the list. For the past two weeks her lunch breaks have consisted of online shopping for the baby. It took them a while to empty the second room on account of all their stuff. And by their stuff it actually means her dresses, shoes, purses, jewelry, jackets, tops, pants, an adult sized Pikachu costume she bought while she was drunk and Joe's two guitars. There were many crying breaks when she had to put away certain dresses she couldn't wear due to her 8 month pregnant belly.

The nursery itself is still under construction. They spent hours in Home Depot deciding what color to paint the room and where they should put the crib, which is still in the box. As under prepared as they are she's been enjoying spending her lunch online shopping with him. It consisted of three of her favorite things: shopping, wasting time at work, and him. He doesn't need to know about the last one, she'll just keep that to herself.

It's also been helping her mood by distracting her from the gloomy hopelessness of the facility. Normally, she would want to keep her baby business at home, but she needs something to fight her depression from the facility and her pregnancy. Her discomfort had gotten worse. It's become almost impossible for her to move and the baby's been moving too much. At her last doctor's visit they discovered she had a bruised rib from all his kicking, but a part of her doesn't want him to come out yet. She's still having mixed feelings about this. Is bringing a baby to this shit world good idea, are they ready for any of this, will he end up in prison?

She's been keeping all this from Joe. She doesn't want him to worry, but he knows something is bothering her.

"Alright next on the list, your favorite part. The onesies."

She made grabby hands at his phone "Give me it. You're not needed in this part, whatever opinion you have it doesn't matter."

The door bursts open and an annoying voice harped "Natalie, have you filed those transfer requests? I've been emailing you for the last 2 days and you haven't respo-"

Linda stopped dead in her tracks when she saw their little lunch date. The awkward silence in the room was so thick they could drown in it. Natalie looked at Joe and it seems as if he's trying to phase himself out of the room. She's going to have to fight her, she can feel it. Might as well be the one to start it, let the bitchfest commence.

"Can I help you with something, Linda?"

Linda composed herself before speaking up "Your lunch break ended an hour ago. You need to be working, not wasting your time. Do you know how behind on paperwork you are?"

"Well considering I'm 8 months pregnant, I think it's fine for me to take longer breaks. I wrote about it on my request for maternity leave, which was denied, so I don't think I'm out of line for procrastinating a little." Natalie jabbed back "Besides why don't you get Clitvack do it? He loves ruining lives and would do anything for you to spit in his mouth. He'll be more than happy to do all the paperwork for you."

"He's not authorized to do that, because he's not the warden. You are, so I don't think I'm out line for expecting you to actually do your job and you can't speak to me like that, I am your boss. You need to be more professional with the way you present yourself. For example, this." Linda gestured to Joe who is looking out into space trying to ignore the fight "Keep your personal life at home. Shop for baby clothes on your own free time, not at work"

"That's something I could've done if you'd let me go on maternity leave, but you didn't so I have to do it here." Natalie was getting heated.

She could feel the baby moving from all the excitement. It's hurting her, her bruised rib hasn't healed yet, but she can't let Linda see that.

"Also, don't give me the personal life bullshit when you and Clitvack are eyefucking each other every time you send someone to their death." She continued.

Linda faked a surprised look "Wow, I thought being pregnant would make you nicer because of all the hormones, but instead you became an even bigger bitch."

Natalie stood up and decided she's going to punch her.

"Nat…" a tiny voice peeped.

She looked down and forgot for a second Joe was there. He's looking at where she sat and saw a large patch of blood. She looked down and saw dark red droplets. Linda stared at Natalie's legs, her own mouth agape, as blood trickled down. Natalie sighed and closed her eyes.

"I'm so sick of this shit" Natalie resigned.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back. This chapter was originally intended to be two chapters uploaded on the same week, but life and fanfic writing ain't vibing time wise so this is just gonna be a lengthy one. That's what she said.**

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She doesn't trust him. It's the tiny little things that bother her like how young he is, how he speaks too casually, and when he spread the ultrasound jelly on her belly, he drew a symbol from the Japanese cartoon her neighbor's kid watches.

Also, he's not her doctor. Her regular doctor is on her honeymoon, so Natalie got Dr. Yee, a 33-year-old man who was humming I Want to Dance with Somebody when he came in to greet them and _Oh look! He's wearing a pin of the symbol too. That's just great._

She's distracting herself; she doesn't want to know what's happening inside her.

"Okay, so if you look here" He pointed to the screen "your placenta has started to separate from your uterus. See, it's lower than it's supposed to be, that's what's causing the bleeding."

Joe looked closer to the screen to try to make something of it.

"From the tests we ran, your baby seems fine for now, but we're going to keep monitoring the both of you just in case."

"What are you going to do? What's going to happen to our baby?" Joe asked.

"We're just gonna keep an eye on her blood pressure and see if the abruption gets worse. It can completely separate from the uterus, but if it doesn't and she's stable, you guys can go home. We're also gonna check on the little guy's heart rate. If things start going south, we're going to have to do an emergency C section." Dr. Yee then excused himself to let the nurses to bring in the equipment.

"He has a very punchable face doesn't he?" Natalie joked.

Two hours of waiting and several wires attached to her later they're still in the room. Natalie's beginning to get impatient, she wishes she could read the lines and the numbers the machines kept spewing out. She started picking on her nails until they bled to ease her nerves. Joe's sitting next to her on his phone being too calm for this situation.

"Look at this little sailor outfit, it's so cute." He showed her the baby outfit he was looking at.

She ignored the incredibly adorable picture on his phone and shot a glare at him. It's pissing her off how calm he's being. Doesn't he understand how fucked this is?

He put his hands up "Babe, I get it. I'm just trying to stay positive. He told us the baby's doing fine. Worst case scenario is getting our guy a little early, but I think it's going to be okay."

"Are you crazy!? How can you say that like it's no big deal? There could be something seriously wrong with him. He could have developmental delays or learning problems. His heart or his lungs could be fucked."

"I know that, but I don't want to think like that. There's a chance he could be perfectly fine, and all this worrying is for nothing."

"But what if something is wrong?" She rebutted, "What if we're not ready for whatever complications he's going to have after this? We're not ready right now. The room's not set up, all the furniture is still in boxes, we don't have diapers, clothes, bottles, wipes. We have nothing!"

She put her face in her hands and muttered "We shouldn't have done this."

Joe let out a scared chuckle "We don't have a choice anymore."

Suddenly the machines start making loud noises and Dr. Yee comes back speed walking into the room. He looks at the machines and rolls over the ultrasound. He removed the transducer across her belly and draws another symbol with the jelly.

"What's happening?" Natalie asks him and he replies with a sound that meant 'no questions until I'm done.'

"Your placenta has detached from your uterus even more and your baby's not getting enough oxygen" He said stone faced, "We need to get you into the OR for a C section"

Her heart drops. She looks at Joe and she can see the fear in his eyes that he's been hiding. She wants to say something, but her voice is stuck.

"It's going to be okay" Dr. Yee reassured them, "We caught it early and the surgery's going to be over in a blink of an eye, you won't even realize it. You're going to holding your baby in no time."

He was right.

The only thing she remembered was being wheeled into the OR by some nice nurses and being told to breathe in.

The bottom half of her body felt numb and heavy. She felt detached from her own body. Her baby bump shrank. They really did take him from her, but where is he? He's not in the room.

She turned her head and saw Joe sleeping in a chair next to her. She tried to call out his name, but her throat is raspy, and no voice came out. An overwhelming sense of loneliness crashed into her. Natalie could feel herself starting to cry, but she caught herself and tried to reach out towards him.

"Joe." Her voice finally mustered out.

He woke up with a jump and immediately came to her side.

"Nat, are you okay? How are you feeling?"

The only thing she could do is make vague gestures with her head. Saying his name already exhausted her.

"You were in and out for three hours."

"Where is he?" She choked.

"He's in the NICU. They took him there right after the surgery. I haven't seen him yet. I was waiting for you, I'm sorry."

_What's he apologizing for?_

"I'm going to get Dr. Yee and tell him you're awake." Joe said as he got up.

Natalie tried to move, but the staples tugged at her. Dr. Yee came back with Joe and he had the classic monotoned smile every doctor has when they go see their patients.

"Hi Natalie, how are you?" Dr. Yee asked with enthusiasm. She only responded with a shrug.

"Well, your baby is doing fine. He's in the NICU and we're monitoring him. He has a breathing tube on him. This doesn't mean something's wrong with his lungs, he just needs a little help breathing right now. We're also keeping a close eye on his temperature and heart rate."

He searched for a response on her face before continuing.

"You want to go see him?"

Natalie nodded.

"Alright let me get a nurse. You need to get up and walk anyway. This'll kill two birds with one stone." He encouraged.

It was a struggle to stand. She had to be hunched over a little because of the staples. Joe and the nurse had to help hold her up so she could shuffle at a snail's pace to the NICU. When she finally got up to the window, she saw him.

He's in an incubator adorned with machines. There was the breathing tube, Dr. Yee talked about, attached to his face. There were probes and wires stuck around him. He's so small and skinny, there wasn't much color to him. He's laying so still he looked dead. It's scaring her, she wants to leave.

"I know it looks scary, but all these things are here to take care of him. He's doing very well and we're going to remove the breathing tube in five hours to see how he does on his own. You can go in and touch him if you want."

Natalie shook her head "Maybe later, I want to go back. I'm tired."

"Alright, I'll let you know if anything comes up."

She had to stay in the hospital for four days to recover. Once the anesthesia wore out the pain became unbearable. The meds they gave her helped, but she wasn't prepared for her post pregnancy horrors. She didn't know she's going to have to wear diapers too. There was so much blood down there it could only be described as a Normandy. Joe was at home getting the baby's room ready and she could've died from embarrassment when she sent him a text to buy her diapers as well.

She spent most of her time sleeping to ignore the pain and her baby. She hasn't gone back to see him yet. It was too much all at once. Dr. Yee hasn't updated her on him, but no news is good news, right? It's a hospital, they're very busy, they don't have time to pop in every hour to tell her 'your baby is okay'.

_He's okay, you're just being paranoid and over worrying. He's okay, He's okay. He's okay. He's oka-_

The sound of a baby crying stopped her thoughts. She turned her head and realized it's her roommate's baby that's crying. The young couple next to her seemed nice from the little exchanges they gave each other. They also had a boy.

"I'm sorry did he wake you?" There was a real hint of remorse in her voice.

"No, it's fine. I wasn't really sleeping." Natalie sat up as much as she could and looked at her neighbor's baby, "He's really cute."

"Oh, thank you. His name's William. Is your baby still in the...?" She asked shyly

"Um, yes." Natalie answered hesitantly.

"I'm sorry about that. What's his name?"

"We don't have one yet. We've been having troubles with names."

"Aw, we were like that too. We just decided to name him after our grandpas. They both had the same name, isn't that a cute coincidence?"

Natalie nodded her head trying to conceal her annoyance.

Her neighbor continued with her intrusive questions about Natalie's baby.

"So, how's your baby doing?"

"I-I don't know. I haven't gone to see him."

"Oh"

Natalie felt something stab her heart. She didn't like the way she said 'Oh', like she was judging her for being a bad mother.

Here's a young happy couple with their newborn baby judging her for making no effort in checking on her own son, giving him a name, and having him so late in age.

Here they are with their balloons, flowers, gift baskets, cards, and stuffed animals that crowded the room while Natalie only had a balloon her brother sent.

Here's her husband who's been by her side the entire time, while Joe only came to visit once a day. It's crushing her.

Natalie excused herself from the couple and laid back down to go to sleep before she fucking loses it.

_Just close your eyes and turn the other way. Ignore them, they don't know anything about you. Close your eyes and turn the other way like you did with Jason and all the obvious signs that he was gay. Close your eyes and turn the other way like when the inmates and guards talked about you behind your back. All the horrible things they called you when you were in the facility, max, and camp. The way everyone gave you dirty looks and death glares. The competition the old guards had, so many years ago, when they wanted to see who could come up with the worst insult for you. Joe won that one. He looked so proud of himself that day. All the things he muttered under his breath when you walked away. He hated you so much back then. _

_He still hates you. That's why he's not here. It shouldn't take that long to set up a room, he just doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want to see his failure of a girlfriend who can't even give birth properly. He's probably thinking about leaving you for someone else. Someone younger and prettier and can be pregnant with no problems. He's packing his shit up right now and he's probably going to skip town and-_

"Fuck!" Joe muffled as he accidentally dropped his phone on the floor.

Natalie's eyes shot open and saw Joe kneeling beside her picking up his phone. She looked at the other side and the couple was gone. They must have left when she was asleep.

"I'm sorry" He said sheepishly.

Everything in her was bubbling up at the sight of him. She couldn't contain it anymore and her tears started coming.

"Joe." she whimpered.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"I talked to Dr. Yee. He said he's breathing and eating on his own. He's fine, don't be scared, it's okay."

She buried herself into his shoulder and couldn't stop sobbing "Joe, don't leave me."

"I won't, Nat, I won't." Joe kissed her atop her head, "I love you."


	6. Chapter 6

**I got sick so I finally have the time to write lol. Another longish chapter, enjoy!**

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"Do you need any help?" Joe asked from the other side of the door.

She grunted out of frustration. Her staples had been removed and she's cleared to go home, but she's still hurting from her C section. It made any task impossible and, if it was possible, it took an hour to accomplish.

"No, I just need a little time" She replied not even hiding the contempt in her voice. The reflection in the mirror staring back at her was not a flattering one. The lower part of her body's wrapped in bandages that's being covered by the comically large diaper she must wear, which is keeping Tracy on life support.

When she finally finished changing into her sweats, she opened the bathroom door and was greeted by Joe whose eyes were full of pity.

"Don't give me that fucking look. It's not like I died. Come on, let's get the hell out of here." She bit back sardonically.

They started making their way towards the car before they saw Dr. Yee coming out of another patient's room.

"Hey, y'all getting ready to go?" He asked cheerfully.

Natalie forced a tight smile and nodded. She doesn't have the energy for all this positivity.

"Alright, drive safe. We'll call you guys in case anything comes up until then, y'all go get as much sleep as you can. It's gonna be a long time before y'all will have a normal sleeping schedule." He joked and walked away.

Natalie decided that punching him in the face would really boost her spirits.

They made a beeline to the car and chose not to see him in the NICU. Dr. Yee wants to keep him for another five days to be completely sure he can keep his temperature on his own. A small part of her was happy he wasn't coming home with them. She's not ready for that yet.

The car ride home was a quiet one. Joe tried to talk to her, but she was tired. All she did the past four days was sleep, and she's still tired. After they removed him from her, she felt whatever light in her go out. There's an emptiness inside her she can't shake. Right now, she's just a walking husk, like how the inmates looked when they came back from the SHU. The argument she had with Linda felt like a lifetime ago.

When she opened the front door, the entire house felt cold like it died with her too. Joe tried to get her to eat something, but she turned him down.

"I'm tired. I want to go to sleep." She murmured.

He had to help her climb the stairs, a task that would've been easier if she hadn't been stubborn about it. She hadn't felt this level of shame and embarrassment in a long time. Her body can't do anything for itself and has to rely on Joe for everything. It's still hurting, and her legs are shaking because she hasn't properly used them in four days. She's tired of this bullshit.

When they finally made it to the top, she stopped to look into the nursery. The room was hastily put together and semi-finished. Most of the furniture is out of their boxes and put together, but they're haphazardly placed. The crib's standing there in the corner of the room, but there's no baby to put in.

Everything she's ever wanted is in here, but now she's not even sure if she wants it. She went into the hospital pregnant and came home without a baby. She didn't know what to do and felt tears spill from her eyes. Her legs gave and she falls onto the floor in a fit of sobs. The only thing keeping her together was Joe holding her, telling her it's going to be okay.

When she woke it was dark out. She pulled down the covers and gazed over to her alarm clock that read 6:39 pm. She sat up slowly and plodded to the bathroom to change herself. It's horrifying down there. Everything is coming out of her in a way that can only be described as 'that scene with the elevator doors in The Shining'. She didn't know why she kept looking back into the toilet every time she finished. It's worse than when she was in high school and her gym teacher made her run laps while she was on her period.

After she had finished cleaning herself and, silently so Joe wouldn't notice, the toilet, she stepped outside. The entire house was dark save for the light coming out of the nursery. She shuffled on over and found Joe inside folding baby clothes. The room began to look more like a baby can actually live here. There's an armchair near the crib and a Winnie the Pooh crib mobile. The changing table is filled with diapers, baby powder, and wipes. He did good.

"Hey, how are you?" He greeted when he finally noticed her.

She shrugged. There's no point in telling him that she feels like a truck ran her over.

He gestured to the baby clothes "I got these at Target. I picked the smallest ones, but they still look a little too big on him."

"He'll grow into it."

On closer examination, the room is decorated with items from Ikea and Target. She could see him throwing baby things into his cart while other shoppers and employees ignored him like the crazy person on the bus. He had dark circles under his eyes and his beard is scruffier. He probably didn't get any sleep these past four days.

"How are you? You look like Leo after the bear attack."

He laughed "Thanks, it could be worse"

"Go take a break, I'll fold these."

"Yeah, it'll take you ten minutes to fold one shirt."

She would've thrown the tiny teddy bear sitting on the cabinet at him if she could lift her arms, but all she can afford is a sarcastic sneer.

"Come on, take a break with me. We can have dinner." She enticed and he followed. He always gives into her.

They were on the sofa, eating the soup he prepared, and watching 90 Day Fiancé. She always told him Healy should be on this show. When her bowl slipped from her fingers and broke on the floor she cursed. Cursed at the ceramic shards, the soup all over the floor, and her uselessness. She started to get up to clean the mess, but Joe stopped her and did it himself.

"Stop treating me like this, I can actually do some things."

"Can you?" He teased.

Her voice became stern "Joseph, I am not in the mood to be dicked around like this."

He finished cleaning and looked up at her. His hands rested on her thighs and he knelt in front of her like a dog.

"Look, I know you're frustrated and hurting and scared and you feel like you can't do anything, but this isn't you. You're going to be a great mother. I know it and you know it."

The way he's looking at her told her he's completely sincere and meant every word he's saying.

"Right now, you're just blinded by all that but, I swear, you are going to be you again." He continued, "Once we bring him home, you're going to be the mom you always wanted to be. You're going to be such a great mom you won't even need me. I'm just a glorified sperm donor at this point."

She looked at his bloodshot eyes that were glowing under the dimmed lights in their living room. How can he say this kind of shit and not expect her to melt?

She put her palms on his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss "You're giving yourself too much credit. I wouldn't say 'glorified', more like middle of the road sperm donor"

She placed a cushion on her lap and gestured him to lie down. He's earned himself a nap for all the work he's put in.

The five days have passed and it's finally time. They received a call from a nurse, the day before, telling them they can pick him up tomorrow. The nursery is finished, even if the final product is a bit rushed. After Joe's little pep talk, she's feeling better. She's watching him struggle to put the baby seat in the car.

"Finally," He huffed, after the seat moved into place "There's one last thing."

He ran to the back of the car and brandished a bright yellow 'Baby on Board' sticker. Joe gently pressed it on the car and beamed at her.

"It's official" He motioned to the sticker "You ready to go?"

She was fidgety the entire car ride to the hospital. The combined feelings of anxiety, impatience, and fear made her pick at the loose string on her jacket until Joe took one of her hands in his. He held her hand the entire time, even up to the NICU where Dr. Yee gave them a run down on their baby. It was a bunch of words that meant "He's going to fine" and they can finally go in to see him.

He has no wires attached to him and he's not in an incubator anymore. His face was bright red and he's fidgeting. Compared to the last time Natalie saw him, it was a 180. He looked dead when she first saw him, but now he's alive, very alive.

A nurse picked him up and said, "He's excited to see you."

The nurse made his way towards Natalie, but she hesitated for a second. The reality of their baby is still hitting her.

Joe, sensing her hesitation, put his arms out to the nurse and held his child for the first time.

Joe smiled immediately and cooed, "Hey there little guy. I'm your Daddy, it's so good to finally meet you. We love you so much."

Natalie won't say it out loud, but Joe looks good as a father.

"You want to meet Mommy?" He continued "I know she's dying to meet you."

She looked Joe in the eyes with some skepticism, but it's do or die so she held her arms out. Joe passed their baby gently over to her and she held him delicately. It's almost surreal. This tiny thing is their child, she didn't know if she could believe it. She gently stroked his cheek with her finger and his little hand slowly popped up to grab it. He gave her finger a tight squeeze and he opened his eyes a bit to peek at her before closing them again. Natalie's jaw dropped. She looked at Joe.

"Did you see that?" She smiled in awe "I think he just said 'Hi' to me."

She turned back to their baby "Hi, I'm your Mom."

She paused to think about what she just said, and she gritted down.

"I'm your Mom" She said again, this time with more conviction.

Joe was right, they're going to be okay. Even if something goes wrong, they can handle it, they'll figure it out. They've been through enough and they can go through another hurdle. As long as they have each other everything's going to be okay.

"Are you tired? Do you want to go home?" She said in a voice that was unlike her.

"Y'all good?" Dr. Yee gently interrupted. Joe and Natalie forgot he was there.

They both looked at each and Natalie answered, "We're good. Thank you for everything, seriously. He wouldn't be alive without you."

"It's no problem. Good luck, y'all gonna need all of it." He proclaimed before leaving the NICU

Natalie's smiling, but she still really wants to punch him.


End file.
